Well, in answer to the new question - it does seem like a lot of stuff is happening before the premise is explained, but I think it could also depend on how long each of those scenes are. You could lose the vision scene, but it sounds important to me, at least in terms of their finding WW's gentleman friend. I feel like it's better to leave it in, but maybe you could put it somewhere else, later on? Maybe you could put it after the situation has been explained to her? It might make more sense to her then, and be the reason she suddenly decides to actually cooperate with them...
Honestly, the second chapter isn't necessarily too late to explain the premise, I don't think. You just have to make sure that what's going on in the first chapter will keep the reader reading until the second (I'm picturing WG at the end of the first chapter doing something a la Kyle Reese's "Come with me if you want to live" line in Terminator). You have a lot of exciting stuff here. Now that I think about it, the only part that I personally think may slow the chapter down a bit would be WG's questioning and harassing FMC. I mean, just because he hasn't really done anything yet and rescues her wouldn't necessarily stop her from getting weird vibes from him, right?
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Date: 2009-08-19 05:01 am (UTC)Honestly, the second chapter isn't necessarily too late to explain the premise, I don't think. You just have to make sure that what's going on in the first chapter will keep the reader reading until the second (I'm picturing WG at the end of the first chapter doing something a la Kyle Reese's "Come with me if you want to live" line in Terminator). You have a lot of exciting stuff here. Now that I think about it, the only part that I personally think may slow the chapter down a bit would be WG's questioning and harassing FMC. I mean, just because he hasn't really done anything yet and rescues her wouldn't necessarily stop her from getting weird vibes from him, right?